


A Terrible Gay Epiphany

by compo67



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Hollywood, Beards (Relationships), Coming Out, Drabble, Identity Issues, M/M, Marriage of Convenience, POV Jensen, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-11-13 04:32:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11177103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/compo67/pseuds/compo67
Summary: Jensen Ackles is married to Emma Ackles, an established, A-List celebrity with major star power. Theirs is a marriage of convenience, unbeknownst to the rest of the world outside their lawyers and close circle. Jensen hasn't ever, not once, had an issue with his life and their arrangement.Until, one day, he has a terrible gay epiphany.But how? When? Where did the gayness originate? He has one guess, and it doesn't look good for anyone involved.





	A Terrible Gay Epiphany

One day, Jensen Ackles wakes up and a terrible epiphany strikes him.

He’s gay.

Friend of Dorothy, enjoys the company of men, has track lighting, flaming homosexual gay. 

This might not be such an awful thing if he were not A) married B) married to a woman C) married to a woman for money D) married to a woman for money under contract E) married to a woman for money under a contract without a set termination date. 

Sitting up in bed, Jensen pulls his knees to his chest and tries not to have a full blown panic attack. Breathe. He doesn’t have to declare this newfound fact to the world. Hell, he doesn’t have to tell anyone about it ever. No fucking way. Not a soul. He could, in theory, go his entire life without uttering these thoughts out loud. 

Yeah. Yeah, that’s what he’ll do. Never tell.

He’ll also just go ahead and live the rest of his life without being authentically himself or true to his innermost desires and instincts. That shouldn’t have any huge consequences. Not at all.

Shit.

What does he do? Who does he turn to? He’s definitely not telling Emma. It is probably not the best idea to drop this on his wife out of the blue. Sure, they are business partners, but they are still partners. Just like they declared to their families and close friends on their wedding day--they’re in this together. 

Oh, shit.

What’s she going to think? How’s she going to react? Sometimes it almost, almost feels like they’re genuinely married and living a thoroughly happy life. He enjoys her company. She enjoys his. When they’re out at publicity events or premieres or engagements or parties or whatever it is her rep emails him about on a fancy schedule every Monday morning--he knows that she cares about his well-being. The touch to his knee, the hand on the small of his back, he knows she does those things for more than just the illusion of depth. 

They’re friends. Really good friends. 

And his decisions affect more than just himself. 

When did this start? Today--this morning--is the first time he’s actually said to himself, “I’m gay.”

But how? When? Where did the gayness originate? 

Emma walks into their room, thus stalling any further gay introspection. Completely naked, she brushes her long, auburn hair back into a tidy ponytail and begins fishing through her underwear drawer. “You look awfully serious for someone who just woke up,” she comments, concerned but distracted by trying to find a pair of suitable workout panties. “Want me to have breakfast brought up?” 

“No,” Jensen responds, quick and confident. “No, I’m good. I just had… a weird dream.”

“Oh yeah?” Emma slips into a pair of yoga pants, foregoing panties. “The one where with the room full of Lucille Ball impersonators?” She finds a sports bra and adjusts the girls from there, pleased with her reflection in the mirror above her dresser. There’s no doubt she’s beautiful. Jensen knows this. He admires her form. 

He just feels nothing sexual for it.

Clearing his throat, Jensen climbs out of bed, also naked. They’ve been married five years. And despite their contract and all the formal arrangement of their set-up, she’s seen him through stomach flus, hangovers, and any time after they order sushi and wasabi. 

So there’s no awkward feeling as he stands next to their bed, nude and perplexed. 

“Yeah,” he murmurs. “I think that was it.” 

She looks up from lacing her new pair of pink New Balance running shoes. “You should probably talk to Sully about that. You wanna go for a run? Might be good for you.” And it might look good for them to be seen doing a couples’ run. 

Jensen nods. He can’t think of any good reason not to go out for a run. Maybe it’ll help him get out of his head and forget about this whole friend of Dorothy crap. They have a busy schedule today anyway, he doesn’t have time to dwell on epiphanies, no matter how life-altering. There’s an interview, a post-production party, and the opening of an art gallery on Sixth Street. Each event promises plenty of publicity and photographers with cameras at the ready to capture moments of wedded bliss.

He needs to be on his A game. 

Emma works too hard, too many fifteen hour days, for him to be distracted and off at public events. This is also his job, and he doesn’t half ass work. .

“Remember,” Emma murmurs, handing him his water bottle. “We’re having lunch with Nicole and Jared. You made the reservations, right?”

He did. Weeks ago.

And one of those names triggers an epiphany-alarm within him. 

Jared.

Origin point.

Also A) married B) married to Emma’s actual partner Nicole C) married to Emma’s actual partner Nicole and under contract D) Married to Emma’s actual partner Nicole and under contract and Jensen’s best friend. 

Shit.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not sure i'll actually continue this, but i've been wondering about this situation for a while. there are plenty of fics out there that tackle bearding. but i was like what if we flipped the story? 
> 
> i wonder if i can pull this off. and i wonder if i can stay away from misogynistic tropes or details. hmm. 
> 
> thoughts?


End file.
